Thursday, January 7, 2010

A Desperate Cry For Help By Wikipedia Founder Jimmy Wales

Let's cut right to the chase. I am asking you donate your money to Wikipedia because you know how many times it's gotten you out of a jam in internet chatrooms when you risked looking like you didn't know what you were talking about. And remember when you copied a paragraph from Wikipedia for a school paper and then changed all the adjectives so your teachers couldn't google your paragraph and find out you cheated?

I need money; lots of it. You have that money. Sure, I'll keep a bit for myself, but I have a non-profit website here, and I refuse advertisements because I don't want telling me what I can have on my damn site, or those retarded ads telling me that I can get ripped if I just follow one simple rule, then showing before and after pictures of some guy with no shirt on who got ripped following one simple rule. Do you know what I think the one simple rule is? Fucking exercise.

Anyhow, I believe in Wikipedia. I believe us. I believe in the power of love. I believe in friendship. That's what makes Wikipedia so great: the countless admins who met through Wikipedia's behind-the-scenes intellectual battlefield to form sexual relationships that eventually developed into romantic relationships. I want that sort of thing to continue.

Wikipedia just continues to get better and better; one person writes something, only to have it deleted by an angry admin, then writes it again a week later, then someone else edits it to change all the adjectives to "fucking" and then the trivia section gets deleted, then the whole article is deleted after the admins decide that Sirlin doesn't deserve his own page, and to be honest, I have to agree with that to a large degree.

We have to protect this sacred process, because it's become a part of us, all of us. [Additional citation need]. I want to keep this site free of advertisements and I certainly would hate to make all you people start paying for this site when I can just write up a stirring and inspirational speech to make you dish over the ca$h that I need to keep this crazy train rolling. Do you know how much money this site costs? Ten million dollars every year. I don't have that money just sitting around my house. If I did, then I would retire and move to Florida. Well, maybe not Florida. I might go to Asia or Europe for awhile though.

Christ, I'm getting sidetracked again.

Imagine a world where every single person in the world has access to the sum of all human knowledge from perspective of young middle-class white males. This can still happen, but you need send me a massive amount of money. Now, I understand some of you can't give much, but a minimum of $10 dollars will entice our staff to pray for your household, to prevent the Lord from sending the usual slew of locusts and mudslides upon your home as punishment.

I think we understand each other.

- Jimmy "The Anal Annihilator" Wales

Fine print: Jimmy Wales did not write any of this and nothing in this should be taken literally or seriously or figuratively or sexually. Please don't sue me.

1 comment:

paul said...

wikipedia is sexy

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