MadTV go Bye-Bye (Oh, tragedy, what hath ye wrought?)

There have been a lot of tragedies in my life that have rendered me speechless. But not this one. I actually find MadTV's cancellation to be mildly humorous in a way, and let me explain why. I enjoy human suffering. Suffer, humans, suffer.

Actually, the real reason is that the show wasn't funny. The Fox network has been behind countless hit shows that have been slightly entertaining, and it's had it's share of god-awful wastes of television space. If I bothered to make a top 10 worst shows I've ever watched, MadTV would be in there, next to the History Channel's "The History of Bridges" and that one cartoon created by David Cross for liberals to masturbate to. Maybe I'm being too harsh on MadTV here, and for that, I apologize.

Wait. Actually, I don't apologize. Suck my dick.

I basically had two problems with MadTV:

- The actors
- The writing

Besides those two things, the show was good. The sets were good. The lighting... it was excellent.

The worst of the actors was undoubtedly Michael MacDonald, whose best impression was a spoiled man-child which resembled a murderous homosexual ghost from a nightmare you'd have after a day of hard drinking. The first time I saw him do it, I said "Oh, a man acting like a child, haha." and that was it. But for some reason beknownst to myself, sketch comedy shows feel the need to recycle annoying characters, placing them in different "situations". For example, let's say I came up with a character called Mel the Cactus. Mel the Cactus likes to swear at children in public and pee in random places. My original skit would have him in a restaurant. Then the writing staff, the next week, would say to me "OH HEY! LET'S DO WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF MEL WENT TO THE MALL!!" and I'd laugh like a clown with a newly-kidnapped child and reply with "OKAY LOL."

THEN REPEAT THIS PROCESS TWENTY-SIX MILLION TIMES. Then Mel becomes significantly less funny, and quick. Trust me, even if you like the idea behind Mel now, if you have any taste at all, you'll hate his fucking guts after seeing him do the same thing every week for 5 years.

Also, have you seen Michael MacDonald's Maury impression? He just puts on glasses and a sweater and does a Gilbert Goetfried voice, and the staff of the show just nods and goes "Close enough for government work."

The only actor on the show I liked was Bobby Lee. Now that MadTV has been destroyed by the flaming templars of fate, he can finally be on a decent show, or fade into obscurity and die by overdosing on oxycontin. One of those. I'm hoping for the former to occur, rather than the drug thing.

Now, the writing on the show was fairly crippling. The jokes were often very cheap gags that focused heavily on mocking celebrities poorly, and dragging the sketch out for several minutes longer than what is humanly acceptable to tolerate before bursting into spontaneous projectile vomiting.

Maybe that's just part of being forced to do an hour-long sketch comedy show every week when your writers spend monday through friday being stoned perpetually to the point of incomprehensibility, then being expecting to pull something together at the last minute. Yes, I understand it's so hard, and yet, still don't give a fuck. It's like a Chrysler vehicle; tons of workers put so much dedication into their factory jobs to create a marvel of modern transportation, and yet, still deliver a product that can only be described as a total shitfest from shit-heaven.


I will now write a MadTV skit.

It would be a rap video, because supposedly, everything is funnier when there is a hip-hop version of it. And let's make it world leaders rapping. Done. The video would feature the Queen of England (who would grind against another world leader), Barack Obama, Kim Jong Il (Played by Bobby Lee), Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and whoever the hell the president of Mexico is. The Mexican President, of course, would do his part about how his people can't stop coming to America.

Oh, the hilarity. I think my liver just exploded from laughter. Or it exploded simply as a reaction by my body trying to destroy itself in order to end the suffering.