Thursday, January 29, 2009

Single girls are more fun. Period.

Last night, I was thinking (an old hobby of mine, which I always recommend people try at least once) and decided single girls are way cooler than girls in relationships. It's now a Scientific Fact, whereas before, it was merely theoretical, what with the obvious perk that single girls have hookupability points. If you don't know what that word is, don't even try and look it up, because it's not real, and I'm not going to explain what it means, and if you don't know what it means, then you're too stupid to ride this rollercoaster.

Anyhow, there is an unspoken code amongst men (or "bros", as certain guys like to be called, out of sheer desperation to affirm their masculinity) that a guy shouldn't steal another guy's girl. I've decided that I don't care about this rule for several reasons, with the main reason being that 'life is too short' or some shit. If Karma decides that because of my actions, that in turn, some guy steals MY girl, then that will be it; I will then boycott Karma forever, even if Karma writes me a formal letter of apology, which I will drench in bacon grease and feed to my dog.

Special word from the author: "Karma" would make a great stripper/pornstar name.

According to the above paragraph, my renegade free-lance rebel attitude essentially makes all girls fair game for the taking. So why do I think single girls are cooler?

Because, I actually make friends with girls. I'm not rich or hot enough to sleep with them all even if that was my intention. Also, friendship is something sissies like me value, so fuck all you fuckers. I know, in a perfect world, when a man and a woman meet, they'd immediately have sex in the streets, and the crowds around them would cheer them on, but since we don't live in a perfect world, I will settle for the dreaded friend zone, because there's nothing worse than having a funny, witty conversation with a girl.

Here's why I like single girls better: they actually have shit to talk about. Girls who are taken want to talk about their boyfriend. I hate their boyfriend. I don't care about how wonderful he is. I don't ever want to hear some stupid story about stuff you and your boytoy did together. As you can imagine, this is bad when my gal pals hook up. When they tell me about the hook-up, I always make the mistake of saying "Tell me about it." because the story is always the same bullshit, where some asshole says something sweet to them and then asks them out and they say yes and then talk on the phone all night. Then I say "I'm happy for you." but in reality, I want to ram a unicorn horn through the guy's chestplate.

After that, the girl spends all her time with the boy and then it's pretty much over. I occasionally say hi to her from time to time, and ask her how she's doing. She mentions that she's doing good, but that she's worried about her boyfriend (this always happens). Eventually, I delete her from my Myspace page, but then wonder what's happened to her later.

On the other hand, if I went out with a girl, I'd want her to tell everyone how kick-ass I am (which is true), but that still doesn't make me less pissed off when I start getting ignored. I mean, I would want people to think of my girlfriend as this awesome person with a razor wit, and not just some screaming fan-girl who defines herself by who her boyfriend is (even if it's myself).

This post emits high levels of mushiness. If I decide to post this, I better get someone saying "Aw, you're sweet." or I'm going to be royally miffed.


calicolyst said...

Of course, boy-worship can be beneficial if it becomes recognized as a religion, because all the money involved would be exempt from taxes.

PinkPanthress said...

*copy/pastes* Aw, you're sweet.
Nah, but really. I hate it when girls/women do that. It's just wrong!
Why not honestly say, "Hey buddy, you're good to talk to, I like whining when I'm solo and/or you're near. ...But you are no relationship material for me." :(

alana said...

You are actually only describing new relationships. Anyone who has been with their partner (or whatever you want to call it) long enough to run out of things to say isn’t going to behave in the manner you described.

Then the friendships are actually better since you can have real conversations and know that you guys are friends because you actually like bitching about the same shit and not because of the potential to get laid.

Steve Morozumi said...

wow. that's a hot post. sizzle sizzle burn burn. i can identify with the change for some girls when they go from single to boyfriendhood. one minute you're hanging out, the next minute they're gone. it's strange to me, but it happens. i don't know if it's due to inexperience, obsessive compulsive disorder, or a little bit of both. i think the Jimmy Hendrix quote: "Are you experienced?" is a good question to ask. that and: "are you obsessive compulsive when it comes to relationships?" if the answer is yes to one or both questions, then you know what to expect.

-Steve @ fluxlife

Adam said...

this whole blog reminds me of the book Choke by Chuck Palahnuik.

"Dude, am I a kind hearted person?"
his friend, "Naw dude, you're an asshole."
"Thanks man, I appreciate that."

Love it!

Rebecca Ann said...

Wow! Im gonna say..your so right! And not only do they stop talking to their guy friends...but they also stop talking to their girlfriends! I hate it...why do "SOME" girls think that they have to be with their boyfriend 24/7?? Life is spend it with more then one person! haha. But i deff. look forward to reading more of your blogs. You seem like a cool guy. Oh and awww your so sweet!!!!

subrosa said...

Hi and thanks for following my blog. I just hope you're not into fancying grannies lol.

It's great to read how the young think, keeps me young too.

Adam said...

go check out, "and the winner is..." on my blog. You are mentioned!

Maggie Monroe said...

omg thank youuu!!! they also stop talking and hanging out with their girlfriends! people in relationships suck! and i'm glad i'm not the only one who's noticed.

Palidor said...

What an insightful post. I gotta agree with Rebecca Ann and Maggie Monroe. It's not just male friends that they drop, but their female ones too.

It baffles me when women (some men, but mostly women) define themselves by whether they're in a relationship. Lack of confidence and self-esteem?

In partial defence, I must say that society still places greater value on couples than single people. But that's still no excuse to forgo having your own identity.

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