Saturday, November 14, 2009

Lady Sovereign Is Not In This Music Video

Friendly disclaimer: I have never worried about causing brain damage to any readers of any of my blogs until today, whereas now this contingency must be considered. You will most like develop a hemorrhoid by viewing any of this.

Recently, a friend and I duked it out in the streets of downtown Tokyo, toppling skyscrapers and trampling Japanese people in our wake, all because of a slight disagreement we had about an old music video on Youtube that no one cares about, and never will.

Take note this video WILL cause you to rip your arm out of your socket and beat yourself to death with it if you attempt to watch the entire thing all the way through. Also take note that I rarely post videos anywhere, let alone rap videos, let alone one with girl rappers, let alone girl rappers from England. If humanly possible, enjoy:

About the video in question: my friend told me that the rapper Lady Sovereign appears in this video, whereas in fact, it is my firm belief that Lady Sovereign does NOT appear in this video, and I'd appreciate being vindicated by contacting Lady Sovereign and hearing straight from the whore's mouth (GET IT???!?!?!??) that she is noticeably absent in this music video because her body nor her soul were present at the time of the shooting because she was either too busy spitting on guys in jelly-donut costumes, or beating up transvestites in bars.

Lady Sovereign, I know you google yourself like 7 times per day, so you had better fucking email me.

Now, my friend believes the rapper "Jaydee" from the video is Lady Sovereign, and I declare this presumption to be erroneous for the following reasons:

1. Nowhere on Lady Sovereign's website, does it state anything about being known as "Jaydee" or being in the Grab The Mic music video, nor is this mentioned on her Wikipedia or Myspace pages.

2. No website hosting the music video suggests that Lady Sovereign is in the video.

3. Jaydee is tall, has squinty eyes and has several ear-rings, whereas Lady Sovereign is short, has wide round eyes, and does not wear ear-rings.

4. A good reason why Lady Sovereign would not be in the music video: Lady Sovereign's homegirl, Shystie, did a diss song against Grab That Mic's Lady Fury called "Murderation" (Yes, people talk like that in London) and that bad blood would cause Lady Fury to get a bloody vagina at the thought of letting an enemy rapper on the track without a stabbing incident.

Now, I understand that all wannabe gangster girls in tracksuits look the same, but that does not mean they are the same. I, being the super-sleuth that I am, have now conclusively concluded that the dyke-ish brunette in question has a 95% probability of NOT being Lady Sovereign, meaning that...

...well, it doesn't really mean anything. Fuck it.


calicolyst said...

Sov and Shystie were on "The Battle" together. Remember that shit? Yeah, those were the days.

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