Sunday, November 8, 2009

Andy Rooney Speaks, Knaves.

Listen. When Andy Rooney asks you for your firstborn child, you don't give him shit about the legality of the matter; you hand over the child and also the family dog. Have you ever seen Andy Rooney take shit? He's not going to take shit from Ali G, ergo, he's not going to take shit from you. Therefore, if Andy Rooney decides that we should replace Veteran's Day with a day protesting "war in general", save your inexcogitative, insipid, intellectually-impecunious bullshit for the Judge and Jury, you uneducated asshat.

His amazing, shining article can, of course, be found here in THIS LINK where you can read it and agree with Andy Rooney, or suck his wrinkly flaccid dick.

Ostensibly, society is filled with phonies, and so it wasn't a shocker that the overwhelming consensus in the article's comments section is that Andy Rooney was wrong, like the idyllic heathens they are. When Andy Rooney throws down his wisdom from his shining golden clouds of transcendence, it is paramount to shut the fuck up. However, Bob (Name changed to protect him from angry rioting crowds wielding pitchforks and torches) had this to say:

" I will never again watch you or 60 Minutes. Shame on you and the network! "

And to him, I say: You think Andy gives a shit? Go watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians instead, because that's more at your intellectual level. Bob2 said:

" No war, no lies, no cheats, no stealing, not in this world! Mr. Rooney, you have stepped over the line of good sense and decency! Please apologize to our veterans. I know you are a smart man but this just makes you sound like a moron. "

And to him, I say: Yeah, that's totally what Rooney was talking about; saying the troops are worthless pawns. Or maybe he was talking about having a day to think about abolishing war (Someone should make this a law) so we won't need to have veterans or dead friends, you moron. Bob3 says:

" This is not Heaven. This is life on Earth. The reality on Earth is that everything is not all unicorns and sunshine Mr. Rooney. "

To him I say: Fuck you.

In actuality, my favorite comment was by a poster fueled by pure righteous e-rage. Here is his brusquely effusive little comment (With the ridiculous generalizations highlighted in red, much like Jesus in the Bible, random nonsense in blue, and poor usage of quotes and parenthesis in green):

" The SAD THING about those like "Bob," "Bob," and all of the other gibbon-minded creatures who accuse Rooney of dishonor and cowardice is that most of them haven't the gumption or heart to have served in the military forces (they just like to complain, and join the bandwagon of beer-guzzling, fireworks-shooting "flagwavers" who think patriotism comes in the form of a cheapjack flag stuck on their utility vehicle). As for knuckleheads like "Bob," I'm betting THEY don't have a clue about the fact that "Veteran's Day" used to be properly called, "Armistice Day." If the gun-buying, fear-lapping simpletons in America can't "grok" Rooney's rightful call for a more peacefully named holiday, then they should at least agree to having "Veteran's Day" revert back to its rightful name (before flag-waving schemers in congress changed it in order easily manipulate the ill-educated). "

What this really comes down to is a lot of highly-opinionated people arguing about the name of a day because some senile old man typed up some overly-idealistic nonsense in a disheveled rambling manner, trying to pass it off as "commentary" on our fucking holidays, whereas most of us are just glad to get the day off and watch "Saving Private Ryan" or whatever Nazi-slaying flick happens to grace our television sets. To go off on an ad hominem tirade on "Gun-buying" flag-wavers (whom I assume are Republicans. And that's how you use parenthesis, not putting them at the end of sentences for no reason), really just diverts from the real story here, which is that people love to disagree over stupid shit like this, and that's why we have wars. The end.


calicolyst said...

And if you disagree, we can settle this with two pistols and twenty paces.

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