The most magical time of year has finally come. It's Mardi Gras today, which is a special time when we all go to New Orleans to get smashed and go streaking. Or am I thinking of Cinco de Mayo? It's one of those, I know.
Now, as a scribe, it is my duty to inform my tribe of the "true meaning" of every holiday, or else something bad will happen, like Russia will take over or some shit. Mardi Gras was started in the future, the year 2102 by time-travelling pranksters who thought it would be funny to alter the fabric of history by filling the Grand Canyon with origami cranes, then just laughing at us while we fumbled around in confusion and dismay. Unfortunately for those assholes, the moment they came out of the time warp, the time machine collides in mid-air with an albatross. One thing lead to another, and Mardi Gras was invented.
Today, the holiday is mainly an excuse to get loaded, and for emotionally vapid girls to flash their boobs in front of cameras that they have no idea belong to the imps of Fox News. It's hard to tell an imp from a human when you're drunk.
Enjoy your celebrating.