Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Let's Compare Everything To Hitler!

Hey. Remember Hitler? Here is a picture of him:

The other day, while eating a shark (It was an ironic turn of events), my mind wandered off, not unlike your MS-ridden Lithuanian Great Grandmother, and I was just bemused by how many things were like Hitler: George W Bush, Barack Obama, Environmentalists, School children, French school children, rabbits, et cetera.

I've decided to play a Kevin-Baconesque game, in which I figure out how various obscure things relate to Hitler, and not just any Hitler; I mean the Hitler.

Baked Beans: These cause gas, and Hitler did a lot of gassing, so Baked Beans are Hitler.

Crest Toothpaste: This is placed on toothbrushes, which are like Hitler's mustache, and therefore, Crest is like Hitler.

Michael Jackson: He wore military uniforms constantly, much like Hitler. His sexuality was also in question because he couldn't commit to a woman, and he seemed preoccupied with his career, but possibly also his delusional fantasies stemming from his experiences as a child. Also, much like Hitler, he had an abusive father. Coincidence? There are no coincidences, just watch Glenn Beck's show.

Suzy Orman: Her name has almost all the letters required to spell "nazi". Sounds like Hitler to me.

Volkswagon: German car company.

The Surface of Jupiter: This planet's surface is obvious Nazi territory, seeing as how the gravity is torturously crushing, much like a concentration camp, and the air is made of toxic gas.

Verizon Wireless: You know how their commercials say "America's Largest Wireless Network"? Obvious propaganda; calling their network superior to all networks, like a 'master network', and therefore dubs all other wireless networks as inferior. Sieg heil.

Natasha Bedingfield: I'll get back to you on this one when I figure something out.

1 comment:

calicolyst said...

All is Hitler! Oh no!

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