April's Annual Indulgence Into Folly

Another fucking pointless Holiday passed. I considered a whole range of means of celebrating, including faking my own death, drinking, filling the city's town hall with origami cranes, or just kicking some random schmuck right in the balls, and laugh heartily and he curls into a fetal position from the sheer blistering agony and shout out "APRIL FOOL'S!" to which he would respond by groaning out that he didn't understand why I did what I did, and I would just shake my head and inform him that he obviously has no sense of humor and needs to lighten up.

I also briefly considered calling my parents up and telling them that I am gay. That would've probably been a poorly-executed result of half-baked musings, leading to a short burst of confusion by my parents, but, I ultimately decided that it would be harder to convince them that I'm straight.

Besides that, every prank is either unapologetically mental-hospital-level lame, or more work than I'm willing to put into tricking someone on a day when their guard is up. So I said to myself "You know, I must politely decline to celebrate this holiday, but thank you for the offer."

Bitches.