The Universe Is Now Under My Control

Here it is; the first post that no one reads.

Now, for my friends, you're probably wondering "What about your Wordpress blog?" and I say to you: What Wordpress blog? You're crazy.

To be honest, I'm not sure where to go on the internet. I seem to be wandering around aimlessly, accomplishing virtually nothing, and rapidly am approaching a critical point where drugs and alcohol become necessary. Well, perhaps not drugs. I don't want to seem like I'm promoting drug use and get my account deleted right away.

Well, I'd better get the curse words out of the way: Fuck, Shit, Whore, Fluffjob.

There. I am now branded as a scourge. All the nice, conservative, middle-aged Republican do-gooders who attend church twice a week will now let me know that, despite my freedom of speech, they disapprove of my behavior, and will add that I am "a talented writer and ninja poet", and that I should be using my powers for good.

Never.

Last time I worked for the light side, I was locked in an enormous crate and shipped to Peru. Well, never again I say.

Now, allow me to jinx this blog to failure: This blog is going to be the greatest blog in the world. It will have untold success, and bring me 80,000,000 page views.

But seriously, the universe is now mine.