Also please note: I use Macs and PCs, and I can safely say that you can download as much pornography as you want onto a Mac without it committing hara-kiri and displaying the blue screen of death. That being said, both platforms are still equally trichotillomanic. Mac users are still super douchey, and sorry, Steve Jobs, but the iPad Nano is just an iPhone.
THE OTHER DAY I WAS AT THE GYM WORKING OUT AND CERTAINLY NOT STARING AT THE GIRLS ON THE TREADMILLS AND THE FUTILITY OF THEIR SPORTS BRAS, WHEN I HAD A LITTLE BRAIN WAVE.
MAKE MY PC SIMPLER.
OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK BARBECUE. I AM SUCH A GENIUS. SO I WROTE THE FOLLOWING LETTER TO MICROSOFT, BECAUSE I KNOW BILL GATES PERSONALLY READS ALL HIS LETTERS, MUCH LIKE SANTA CLAUS. HE EVEN RESEMBLES AN ELF TO SOME DEGREE. MY LETTER WENT:
DEAR MICROSOFT,
HEY FAGS. JUST KIDDING. HOW'S YOUR DAUGHTER? 18 YET? JUST KIDDING AGAIN. LISTEN. WINDOWS 7 WAS DOPE. YEAH. BUT LISTEN. I HAVE AN IDEA FOR AN EVEN BETTER OPERATING SYSTEM THAT WILL MAKE WINDOWS 7 LOOK LIKE WINDOWS 95. HAHA WINDOWS JOKE. OKAY, LISTEN. YOU KNOW HOW YOU WASTE ALL THIS TIME OPENING WINDOWS? WELL, WHAT IF YOU COULD JUST TALK TO YOUR COMPUTER LIKE HAL 9K? WHAT IF THE INTERFACE WAS JUST A GLOWING RED DOT? WHAT IF THE COMPUTER AUTOMATICALLY UPLOADED VIRUSES TO YOUR COMPUTER TO SAVE YOU THE TIME? WHY CAN'T MY COMPUTER RECOGNIZE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS? WHAT IF MY COMPUTER WAS ABLE TO COOK MY BACON IN THE MORNING, BECAUSE MY STUPID GIRLFRIEND ALWAYS COOKS IT TOO LONG, AND I LIKE IT NOT CRISPY. I LIKE IT CHEWY. IS THAT WEIRD? WELL, IT'S NORMAL COMPARED TO HER OBSESSIVE TOENAIL-CHEWING. SO, WHO'S THE WEIRD ONE NOW?
LOVE, MIKE HUNT
I'M A PC AND WINDOWS 8 WAS MY IDEA!!!!!! I'M A BONAFIDE GENIUS.
